A few days later, in the early morning hours of September 25^th, after we had all left, the North Tower Circle was engulfed in a fire. The flames destroyed half the building and closed the club.  The next day, I heard it might be arson.

Of course, when a gay club is torched, our heads go directly to the possibility of a hate crime. That’s in our history as gay people. As the rumors flew furiously around town, I was conflicted about it. I felt it was jumping the gun a little, as I hadn’t heard of any direct evidence. Then they found an accelerant on the outside wall of the building. Nathan called me.

“Do you believe this?” he gasped.

We talked and I began to realize, as Nathan already had, that since James and I both worked at the Circle, we probably had easy access to information. Nathan wrote for gayfresno.com and needed information as fast as he could get it. I didn’t want to talk, especially since I really didn’t know anything, and I didn’t want to since the person he really should be talking to was Virgil, the owner of the club. And although I liked Nathan, I had just recently met him, and something I didn't really trust was involved, the media.

I had my fair share of dealings with the media during my 20 years of managing hotels, and I don’t know if I can remember a single instance when what I said and meant was the version that ended up in print. In America rumors are born quick and fly fast, and Fresno is certainly no innocent in that department. 

A week later there was a fire at Dance, a nightclub down the street from the Circle. This one was declared arson from the start, with witnesses who saw the vehicle and shared information about the person who drove away. The fire didn’t cause major damage to the already vacated club, but that was the moment when it became clear something might be going on.

I happen to live a couple of blocks from the clubs, so Nathan called and asked if it would be possible for me to snap some pictures for the website so they could post them. I was happy to do it, also getting better pictures of the damage at the circle for them. Since I was in a rough position to provide Nathan with any inside information, it made me feel like I was doing a part to contribute to what could potentially be some dramatic and dangerous developments.

During all of our conversations about the events and through Nathan’s urgings that I speak to the media, which I declined in respect to the owner of the club, he never once failed to honor my boundaries. When it came time for the piece to be written about the Circle and the fire, I helped Nathan organize that with the owner of the club.

The day came when I was faced with Nathan’s article on the fire at the Circle, and at best, I was nervous. I’d really come to like Nathan and I didn’t want to find some media spin in his words. Prior to the release of the article Nathan reassured me time and again that he was only interested in the truth and he was going to back everything up and then run it by Virgil, who owns the club. The media running a story past those involved before publication is something I’ve never seen and was very pleasantly surprised by.

Still, my level of trust with the media was about as low as it’s ever been. With all the respect the club and I had been shown by Nathan I was fearful once the article was up and running on the site. As I read the first words I couldn’t help but dread any inaccuracies that might follow. Reassurances came from all the people in the press that I’d spoken to in the past. Assurances that only what was said would be published, no elaboration, and on and on. Then the more I got into Nathan’s article the better I felt. He honored everything as he said he would. There were no rumors, no suppositions, nothing but the truth. In all my years, I’d never once seen that happen in the media. And as I read Nathan’s article, I found a way out of that complete disbelief of the possibility of integrity. Nathan had it. I was extremely impressed.

Soon after Nathan called me to say there would be a press conference in participation with Equality California, EQCA, in front of the North Tower Circlethe very next day. He made sure James and I would be there and we notified all those we needed to.

The press conference, organized by EQCA, working closely with Nathan and others, brought my fears of sensationalism right back to the surface. Yet as I stood there with those who attended and listened to those who spoke, one by one I was impressed. Not one person who spoke at that press conference from EQCA or the gay community uttered the phrase “This is a hate crime”. They simply said it was being considered as a possibility and that we were there to make businesses and residents aware of a possible danger. It was exactly the right way to handle it and nothing sinister was woven into it. I was proud to be a part of it.

I remember thinking over and over how happy I was that someone like Nathan was out there. Someone who recognized the possible danger involved and wasted no time or energy in doing everything he could to organize the troops. I had almost twenty years on Nathan, and countless disappointments and defeats to my faith in political action. And while I love writing, and contribute to the political debate in that way, I was thankful there was someone like Nathan to dig his heels in and get things going. From the very beginning, Nathan impressed the hell out of me.

After the press conference, I tuned in later that day for the local news coverage. Only one of the four major local teams got the name of the club correct. This, after a press conference held under the gigantic, very legible sign proclaiming this was the site of The North Tower Circle. Then, with the exception of one station, all reporters who were each physically present at the news conference, stated that the gay community was calling the fire “a hate crime”.

AT least I knew that had nothing to do with the commitment of those speaking, and merely shed light on the irresponsibility of the media at large. Nathan and I talked, exasperated about the coverage, for what seemed like forever. It would be a few days before the local news started getting the name of the club right.

A couple of weeks after the fire at Dance, a bail bond business, situated directly between The North Tower Circle and Dance, was burned to the ground by an arsonist. I watched as neighbors from all directions around my house came out to see the incredibly high flames burning into the sky. In droves, people walked down the street to find out what was happening. We couldn’t get anywhere near the building, even much later that night, but we could see there wasn’t much left.  

The next day, after snapping more pictures for Gay Fresno, we heard the bail bond building was definitely arson. We also heard that it appeared to be totally unrelated.

When the fire stories started to die down Nathan and I still talked, though, to my regret, less frequently. Between political discussions we’d chat about Margaret Cho, music or the community. We laughed and had a great time.

One thing was immediately evident about Nathan. He was genuine. He believed in what he was talking about, but more importantly he was willing to roll up his sleeves and dive into any arena his assistance was needed. I remember times when I talked to him and he’d been on the phone all day, digging up answers and setting up meetings. He seemed tireless in his devotion to equality and fairness. I’ve been loud and vocal my whole life on issues I felt needed talking about. While Nathan was at the peak of his energy level for all of this however, I had seen enough to make me question how involved I wanted to remain.

Nathan did two things for me that I’m eternally grateful for. First he made me see that you can never stop fighting for right and wrong and for the rights of others that politicians and a prejudiced public are constantly trying to take away. Second, he showed me that there are still those out there who value honesty and responsibility in writing and reporting. He reminded me the truth is there and there’s no need to sensationalize it. 

I deeply miss Nathan and his lust for life and boundless energy. I miss sharing laughs with him. Most of all I miss the spirit of Nathan. There are very few left who not only want to uncover the truth, but will work very hard to get to it. There are even fewer who have the courage to speak it. Nathan re-ignited my belief in truth and principal. It’s still possible to find those who honor what America stands for, and who won’t be silent in the face of injustice.

Integrity is difficult to find. Nathan is a great loss.

UPDATE: Nathan's story, as well as the climate of homophobia in the San Joaquin Valley is now a two part article in Advocate Magazine. The issues are dated March 14th and the March 28th, 2006. You can read the story (without most of the pictures) at www.advocate.com . Simply find these issues on the main page or in the "Issue Archive" and you'll find the story.